honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
