why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
