I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I came so hard my ears popped.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
