sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
