so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
