im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
