So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
