This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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