i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no you cant smoke seaweed
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
