I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
