I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
