I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We're too hungover to prance.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
