before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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