Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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