I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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