Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
