when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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