idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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