i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
