Is it normal to miss your booty call?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my shit smells like andre
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
