If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
