i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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