Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
