I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
