The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
