Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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