he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
