That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
