that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
