I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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