I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i think i just lost a toe
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
