It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
