I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
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