I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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