i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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