ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
