I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
