Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
