we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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