No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
