do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
