Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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