Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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