My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
