She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
