Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
