I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
