He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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