Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my poor anus
I need to sanitize my soul.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
