meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Damn victory sex feels great
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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