shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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