He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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